Sin, Repentence, and Holiness - what those words actually mean
Let me take you on the journey I went on last year...
Last night I fell asleep realizing… Oh, I use the word holiness now in my writing, all the time, without any further explanation.
I realized how confusing or jarring that could be for the people who feel the way I felt before my conversion — how off-putting and confusing it would have been to me to read “holiness".”
I also remembered that this is just one of three Christian words that I didn’t like or understand at all. They’d nearly give give me the heebie jeebies whenever anyone would use them.
(Before I get into those three words, I first want to let you know that if you need an intro to why I converted, read New Age Demons. If you are looking for resources to going on your own conversion or have your own Jesus situation, read Jesus 101.)
The Three Words
Ok. The three words are, if you could tell by the title —
Sin
Repentence
& Holiness
The cultural associations with those words, especially sin, were a big barrier to entry for me. And though I’ve had humungous perspective shifts over the last two years, in what is good and true and beautiful, learning the actual meaning of those words also helped to crack that cultural veneer a little bit, and allow me to approach all of this Christian theology with more openness…
Cocky Caroline
As you may remember me saying, I started reading the Bible in late 2022, thinking I was going to figure out what it was really saying and how all the Christians were misinterpreting it.
And, while for sure Christians misinterpret or misapply things often enough, I certainly had to be humbled. Little miss new-age gnosis, reading the Bible, sure she is going to figure this thing out in a few days… and of course I didn’t. Of course I had to start with the most basic basic questions. This is part of what I mean when I say I do rabid research: What does all of this mean? What did it meant to them? What does it meant to us? Did you know the new testament was originally written in Greek? Did you know that the cultural context of the word Gospel meant “Good news of a newly crowned King”??? There are unending things to learn. And all of the learning is so fascinating to me, that I haven’t stopped yet.
But ok, let’s get into the words.
Sin
The first thing I learned is that “sin,” that word I hated, that word that felt so judgmental and gate-keepy… it means to miss the mark.
To sin means to miss the mark. Or failure to fulfill a goal.
The mark, is following God. The goal, is following God. Listening to God. And in the old testament, it was following God’s laws. In the new testament/new covenant, it is following the ten commandments and following Jesus.
I don’t know why that shifted things for me so much, but it did. It was just a simple neutral truth: missing the mark. Getting things wrong. It took the judgment out of it, and made it all less loaded.
The other thing I hadn’t really wrapped my head around, is the concept that… we all sin. It’s not like there are the good sinless people and the bad sinners. No matter how hard we try, we inherently are all sinners. AND MAN I HATED THAT TOO. “WE ARE ALL SINNERS.” It just felt like a way to go through life, self-flagellating and living in shame. But I see now that’s not the case. Or it doesn’t need to be the case. It’s just a reality. We know it’s true. We gossip and tell white lies and are selfish. And sometimes way worse than that. And if we are devoted to being righteous, we can easily get self-righteous and prideful.
But we also can be …children of God. Loving and humble and loved and redeemed and forgiven by God. And in order to do that, all we have to do, is turn back to God. Repent. And keep doing it when we inevitably fail.
Repentence
When I thought of the word repent, I thought of … again, living in shame. Groveling. Made to feel bad for doing things that weren’t even bad.
But the words for repent used in both the Old Testament Hebrew, and new Testament Green mean “to turn” back. So, repenting is the act of turning back to God. In the New Testament, the Greek word that’s used also means “a change in thinking.” So while the colloquial use of repent seems to be “to feel remorse and ask for forgiveness,” and there is an aspect of remorse in repenting, after you spend the afternoon gossiping, or… yanno, killing someone, or something in between, but the actual act, is turning back to God. Allowing God back into your life.
That’s what the words used to mean. To turn around.
Repenting is also the act of remembering the way we are supposed to be living. For God. With God. And turning to him. And to have a change in thinking… a reorientation of priority.
And it’s worth saying, that actually one of the most important things about this God, who can seem so distant and so cold and so judgmental, when all you talk about is sin and repentance, is that God loves us. And wants to help us. He wants to help us to be better. And he actually has the ability to change us. And he will, if we let him. That’s the thing… all he really wants for you to do, is turn back to him. Yes, feel remorse, but also know you are loved and forgiven. I’ve realized that there is such a thing as healthy guilt and remorse, especially when we know that we are deeply loved by God.
For anyone newer to all of this, or not sure what I mean by God loving us unconditionally, and only wanting us to turn back, read the parable of the lost sheep:
Luke 15:1-7
“Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”
Then Jesus told them this parable: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.”
Or even better, read or re-read the parable of the prodigal son, the story that Jesus tells to illustrate how happy God is to welcome back any of his children, no matter what dumbass, terrible things they’ve done. He literally runs to him, hugs him and kisses him, and throws a party. “For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.”
Holiness
This is the word I use all the time now. I’ve written a few times that I believe we are meant to “pursue holiness.” So what do I mean by that?
I had no idea what it meant before. I just imagined like… a nun. I dunno.
But “holy” means separate or set apart. Set apart to be devoted to God. Set apart to be sacred. Set apart for a purpose.
“Set apart” meaning… different from the rest of world — the world who doesn’t care about God, or care to follow God. Or even care to figure out what God wants of us.
God is Holy. But we can be Holy too, when we… well, realize we have missed the mark, and turn back and surrender to God.
What does all of this look like
“Repenting” and “turning from sin” and pursuing “holiness” does require some amount of effort and action and devotion. It requires change. It requires the desire to change. It requires taking steps. But I believe pretty strongly, and have experienced personally, that while it does take personal action and effort, God also helps you. Again, he wants to. He nudges. Teaches. Changes. Fills you with love and peace and understanding. He gives you the opportunity to learn how to operate in a different way.
In the act of surrender and “ok God, what do you want me to do?” it slowly starts to become clear. And the change we go through may be slow and gradual too. But sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes it’s quick and miraculous. But either way, it’s always good.
The whole deal of surrender and repentance and holiness, ends up being beautiful and joyful and life affirming. It isn’t often easy or simple, but… again, sometimes it actually is. And even when it isn’t, it’s worth it.
How do you become someone who loves your enemy and prays for those who persecute you? Well, God helps you turn into that person. It takes your own willingness to work with God, but God is the one who works in you.
I say this as someone who has seen and felt this truth — I’ve experience the help and change that God promises, and I know there is so much more surrender and changing I will be going through for the rest of my life. I know I’m not supposed to just… stay the same.
God’s love is the focus
This is probably trying to tackle more than I have the time to address right now but… in my opinion and experience, when people try to scare people into following God, it doesn’t work. That’s where this judgment, shame, and fear based association with Christianity dominates. That’s all I thought Christianity was. Fear and shame and the threat of hell. The whole beauty and point, actually, is how much God loves us. He came down to us. To merge heaven and earth — in merging man and God, in the person of Jesus. To suffer with us and for us. To end the constant sacrificial system to atone for sin, with the final sacrifice of himself. He gave us free will to turn away from him but he loves us. He wants us to turn back to him. He wants us to choose to be with him forever.
I don’t know how hell works. I don’t know why it exists. I still kinda feel like come on God, what’s that all about? As I said in my previous post I am tentatively, a hopeful reconciliationist. That everyone can and maybe even will be reunited to God. Beyond what we can conceive of. And that belief and hope is based on the love and redemption I have seen God have for anyone who turns back.
But what I do know? No matter what the logistics of hell actually are… evangelizing with hell is a bad move. I didn’t want to follow a God where the main deal was the threat of horrible eternal punishment. Who would? But I am thrilled to surrender my life to a God who I can now see is unconditionally loving and forgiving and … constantly helpful. When I remember to ask for help. And honestly, sometimes when I don’t even remember to ask for help… He helps me anyway.
So to dumb it all down, and sum this all up using non-religious words, we are foolish and selfish and confused, and turn away from God. We try to be our own gods all the time. We decide what’s good, we decide what’s right, we decide that our mediocre-ness and white lies and gossip, and way worse, is… fine. It’s fine. At least I’m not a murderer, right!? At least I’m not a thief! When it hits us that that’s what we are doing, rebelling against God with our vanity and selfishness and partying or whatever self-focused materialistic dumb stuff we do, when we have the change of perspective, all we need to do then, is turn back to God. And he is waiting there to run to you and hug and kiss you and throw a party for you (Jesus’ own words!). And the healing begins again.
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