Ohhhh my. Well I started writing this at 7:55 pm on Tuesday, realizing that I never got around to writing and sending this week’s email. Though, we could consider the email I sent on Sunday, where I announced that I turned two paywalled posts into free posts, this week’s email:
I like your writing because it’s honest and a lot of the time, you write what I’ve been thinking or feeling or experiencing and it’s relatable but also funny. And somehow inspiring? Even though it’s depressing? honestly, if you kept writing about the diet stuff or the burnout stuff, I wouldn’t read as much. I think the people who like you really like YOU. Maybe it was never about the fuck it diet and two years of rest. Maybe YOU’RE the cute little bow that packages it all up. Also idea for paywall posts: you can sing us songs!
I can't say it better than DebiKayo. At 72 I'm firmly in the Fuck Them All mindset.
Around age 50, I learned the value of two other four-letter words. MAKE and WALK. Creating physical objects (eg painting, jewelry, electronics) exerts a counterforce against the external and internal demons.
Walking also creates physical objects. Unlike other forms of exercise, walking actually generates new neurons in the brain, which have a chance to form new associative paths that take over from the old tiresome echoing canyons.
It is interesting to see you go through your life’s angst, but I am here to tell you as you get older it is easier. But you have a long way to go until you get to your “fuck them all” 50s and 60s. Its pretty awesome. Of course when you get to your 60s every weird health issue you have you wonder if this is the beginning of the end. You seem to be going through life struggles- things will clarify soon enough. It is kind of enjoyable to be on the other side. Not easy, or carefree, but the clarity and ability to step back because of experience is good.
Caroline, regarding your comments on being a soprano, what if contemporary music culture isn’t all that different from diet culture in what it demands from people, especially women, and deserves to be viewed in the same way? I mean, think about it: music culture glorifies a very particular sound, belted high notes, that are basically the most difficult and unnatural thing for a voice to do - take chest voice up well past the range where it would have naturally switched to head voice, and do it with as much power as possible. And sure, some voice/body types will be able to that well and safely after a lot of effort and training, but other voice/body types will always struggle, if they’re even capable of it at all. Some low voices, like mine, will have trouble getting high enough; and some high voices, like yours, will have trouble being thick enough; yet if I changed that sentence around a bit and said that fat people aren’t thin enough and thin people aren’t curvy enough, you would immediately recognize that standard for the bullshit it is.
What if the only appropriate response to it all is to say: “Fuck it - I will love the sound of my voice and appreciate it for all the amazing beauty it’s capable of, and stop trying to torture my instrument into being something it’s not”?
I appreciate your honesty and enjoy your writing. I never followed you on Instagram so I don’t know about your world there. I don’t love you or hate you which I think is appropriate since I don’t know you in real life. I do greatly respect your decision to risk losing everything you’d built in order to be truthful with your readers & yourself. It shows a level of integrity that I truly admire. Even if I disagreed with everything you said, I would still read it because at least you are saying it sincerely.
Hmmm, I mean, you’re funny, raw, truthful, sarcastic and so much more in your writing. You don’t have to be *like* anybody else, because then you wouldn’t be you and it would all be pointless? Or?
Hope the next healing journey comes to you soon and that we get to hear about it!
I’m happy you’re not like Glennon Doyle. No shade to her, just didn’t get the hype. I know you probably get book/author recs all the time, but Dr. Joe Dispenza’s work is life changing. I’ve thought to mention him in several of your posts. Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, and You Are the Placebo (and his other books) absolutely blew the lid off how I view the world, and everything I’ve learned since reminds me of what he teaches. I’m currently in Peter Levine’s somatic experiencing training too because that’s where all of this stuff has lead me. I found a lot of peace after starting my Dr Joe practice. “Science is the modern language of mysticism” as he says. It seems woo woo, but it’s all rooted in scientific evidence. Might help explain a lot of the experiences you’ve talked about in both your books and all your writing!
I like your writing because it’s honest and a lot of the time, you write what I’ve been thinking or feeling or experiencing and it’s relatable but also funny. And somehow inspiring? Even though it’s depressing? honestly, if you kept writing about the diet stuff or the burnout stuff, I wouldn’t read as much. I think the people who like you really like YOU. Maybe it was never about the fuck it diet and two years of rest. Maybe YOU’RE the cute little bow that packages it all up. Also idea for paywall posts: you can sing us songs!
I can't say it better than DebiKayo. At 72 I'm firmly in the Fuck Them All mindset.
Around age 50, I learned the value of two other four-letter words. MAKE and WALK. Creating physical objects (eg painting, jewelry, electronics) exerts a counterforce against the external and internal demons.
Walking also creates physical objects. Unlike other forms of exercise, walking actually generates new neurons in the brain, which have a chance to form new associative paths that take over from the old tiresome echoing canyons.
It is interesting to see you go through your life’s angst, but I am here to tell you as you get older it is easier. But you have a long way to go until you get to your “fuck them all” 50s and 60s. Its pretty awesome. Of course when you get to your 60s every weird health issue you have you wonder if this is the beginning of the end. You seem to be going through life struggles- things will clarify soon enough. It is kind of enjoyable to be on the other side. Not easy, or carefree, but the clarity and ability to step back because of experience is good.
Caroline, regarding your comments on being a soprano, what if contemporary music culture isn’t all that different from diet culture in what it demands from people, especially women, and deserves to be viewed in the same way? I mean, think about it: music culture glorifies a very particular sound, belted high notes, that are basically the most difficult and unnatural thing for a voice to do - take chest voice up well past the range where it would have naturally switched to head voice, and do it with as much power as possible. And sure, some voice/body types will be able to that well and safely after a lot of effort and training, but other voice/body types will always struggle, if they’re even capable of it at all. Some low voices, like mine, will have trouble getting high enough; and some high voices, like yours, will have trouble being thick enough; yet if I changed that sentence around a bit and said that fat people aren’t thin enough and thin people aren’t curvy enough, you would immediately recognize that standard for the bullshit it is.
What if the only appropriate response to it all is to say: “Fuck it - I will love the sound of my voice and appreciate it for all the amazing beauty it’s capable of, and stop trying to torture my instrument into being something it’s not”?
I appreciate your honesty and enjoy your writing. I never followed you on Instagram so I don’t know about your world there. I don’t love you or hate you which I think is appropriate since I don’t know you in real life. I do greatly respect your decision to risk losing everything you’d built in order to be truthful with your readers & yourself. It shows a level of integrity that I truly admire. Even if I disagreed with everything you said, I would still read it because at least you are saying it sincerely.
Hmmm, I mean, you’re funny, raw, truthful, sarcastic and so much more in your writing. You don’t have to be *like* anybody else, because then you wouldn’t be you and it would all be pointless? Or?
Hope the next healing journey comes to you soon and that we get to hear about it!
I’m happy you’re not like Glennon Doyle. No shade to her, just didn’t get the hype. I know you probably get book/author recs all the time, but Dr. Joe Dispenza’s work is life changing. I’ve thought to mention him in several of your posts. Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, and You Are the Placebo (and his other books) absolutely blew the lid off how I view the world, and everything I’ve learned since reminds me of what he teaches. I’m currently in Peter Levine’s somatic experiencing training too because that’s where all of this stuff has lead me. I found a lot of peace after starting my Dr Joe practice. “Science is the modern language of mysticism” as he says. It seems woo woo, but it’s all rooted in scientific evidence. Might help explain a lot of the experiences you’ve talked about in both your books and all your writing!
I loved this! Sending love and clarity.