The Boob Saga
Oh, yanno, just the story of how I got a breast reduction in 2021, and now have to get a revision surgery this week because they messed up, and how much I regret everything, etc.
I shared this as a “pre-order bonus” for Tired as F*ck, and now, the week of my revision surgery, I am sharing it, plus some updates, behind the paywall on substack.
I wrote this part in December 2021:
I’m sharing my story behind a paywall because… well, actually, let me rewind. First, I’m sharing this story at all because people are curious and have been asking me for an update on my breast reduction. But the whole situation is so unexpected and depressing to me, that I don’t feel like it being fully public right now. I want a little digital “wall” between the general public, and this sob-story.
I also may not leave it up for very long. Not sure.
I truly wish —so much— that I did not (have to) talk about my boobs so often. I’d like to just have boobs, and never think much about them. Honestly, I wish I could never talk about my boobs again, but unfortunately, I’ve backed myself into a corner. Because… I wrote my first book about our cultural relationship with food and body, and in the process of sharing my own experience with my body, I shared how difficult it was to have such big boobs, and the effect it had on my relationship with my body (and food) starting at 14. I didn’t want to talk about it. I’ve spent my entire adult life trying to draw the least attention possible to my boobs I can. But it was a relevant part of my journey, so I included it. To be “brave” and “honest,” or whatever.
Then I wrote my second book, Tired as F*ck, which was even more of my own personal story, and my discomfort in my body as a teenager with such big boobs came up again. Again, I didn’t really… want to talk about it. But it was true and relevant to the story I was telling, and the picture I was painting, so I wrote even more about me, my boobs, and our journey through the ages.
Then, in between finishing writing the book at the end of 2020, and it coming out in 2022, I decided to (finally) get a breast reduction.
I’d waited a long time, through ten years of the F*ck it diet, to make sure I was doing it for “the right reasons.” So much of my own journey to accepting my body, was accepting my boobs. And I did. (Or … I thought I did.) But at a certain point I asked myself… do I need to accept this discomfort anymore if there is a straightforward surgery that could give me back more comfort and mobility?
So I decided to do it.
Under different circumstances, I would have kept it to myself until I felt ready to share it. But because I’d already written about my boobs so much, I felt like I had to share that I got the surgery before the book came out. It would have been too weird for people to read the book (where I drone on about how big my boobs are) only to see me on instagram or in an interview, and be like… “wait… where are these boobs she speaks of? Is this girl totally delusional?”
So, in order to avoid that… I felt I had to share about the surgery in real time, as opposed to after the fact once I’d healed and processed it.
Again… I do not really want to be talking about this. I don’t want everyone who reads my books (accidentally wrote “boobs” instead of “books” at first) to be staring at my boobs for the rest of my life, and thinking about how big or small they are. But somehow this is the life that has chosen me, so here I go talking even more about my boobs…