"Hi, Dad -" ...weird way to start a prayer, but...

God spoke to me tonight, and I guess he told me he was my dad

It usually takes me hours and hours and days and days to write, edit, record, and finish a post. But I’m going to try to bang this one out, really quickly.

Mostly because I just want to tell you a little story that just happened tonight.

(edited later to add… it took me an hour and a half, and it’s still probably janky AF)

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Miraculously, after just one year, I somehow have many many friends who I can talk to about my Jesus Situation.

And I’m always complaining and groaning and grumbling to these friends about Christianity and the Bible and why did God make it so confusing and is the way they explain the trinity really the most biblically accurate way to understand the trinity? And my old standard: whyyyyy circumcision, God? Why? (Yes I know that covenant has been replaced with the new one but like… why EVER?)

And…yes, I still believe. Yes, I’m currently running a Bible study. Yes, I’m thankful for all of it but, I dunno, I get a little disenchanted sometimes. The doubts and questions I’d been comfortable with and putting aside for the last few months bubbled up and I got frustrated. Sometimes it’s questions I’ve already answered that have come back around, because I forget the conclusion I came to originally.

It’s never that I want to give up the whole thing, but I do settle into my old temper tantrum which is: God, why did you do it this way? Why did you make it so confusing? Why did you make it so weird?

Thankfully, I now have friends who can talk to me about stuff like that. We moan and grumble together, we do research, we share it with each other, we try to work it out based on the research we’ve done. I spent hours today talking to two different friends, two parallel conversations with all of our current questions.

One of the conversations was honing in on the trinity — I actually understand the trinity well enough, that there are three distinct “persons” in the one Trinity. One God. Three different people. They are separate but, apparently, when one acts, they all act? I get tripped up in the official explanation and doctrine, and then things Jesus himself says in the Bible. I think I’d actually understand the whole thing without the official explanation better. It’s when I think too hard about it, that it trips me up. Or when I read the way Paul refers to God and Christ the Lord, I’m like, ummmm does he know about the trinity? What was HIS UNDERSTANDING OF THIS? And sometimes I throw my little tantrums and say God, this is extremely complicated and I feel like it should not be. No WONDER people don’t accept this!

Today, I was going on and on about how the term trinity isn’t in the Bible, and I think religion has tried to over simplify it with their explanation, and Jesus said he doesn’t know when he is returning, but the father does? Is God a big piece of play dough and he pulled off a piece and was like, ok little play dough God, you’re going down into a baby, complete your mission! You can glob back onto big play dough me when you’re back up here, or you can stay separate, whatevs. So play dough is God, including the little piece broken off, but the play dough in heaven knows more than the little play dough piece of God down on earth? But, NO apparently the trinity was always distinct and separate and three always, from the beginning of time, so nix the play dough theory!

My friend replied: I just have to think about it as a family, the whole “family” is “God” but they aren’t the same, but they are the same because they all have the same quality: being part of the family, and that family is inherently one God.

Some conclusions but mostly, especially in regards to the trinity: *the mystery of faiiiiiith* («If you’re Catholic you will know what I am referring to.)

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A few hours later, I was lying in bed and looking at my phone. I knew I needed to put down my phone and either actually rest or pray or both. Finally I forced myself to put my phone down next to me, and I launched into prayer. I spoke out loud: “HI, Dad —”

I paused, and then burst out laughing. Hi DAD?!?!

Never ever ever ever before in my whole life have I EVER said DAD in reference to God. And never have I even thought it.

My go to, when I’m praying by myself is Dear God, please…

Sometimes “Hi God.” Sometimmmmmes the Catholic “In the name the father and of the son and of the Holy Spirit.” Then I’ll usually also launch into “Dear God.” Even more rarely I will do my little Protestant influenced “Dear Heavenly Father”

Never ever ever have I said, “Hi Dad.”

I’ve heard people make fun of people who use the term “daddy God.” But I didn’t even know if that was a real thing people actually said, or just an absurd idea.

Saying “Hi Dad,” was actually so jarring to me that I didn’t even continue the prayer. I laughed with God, kinda, then got up from my bed and put on the deodorant I forgot to put on after my shower, still laughing, and saying WOW God, what was THAT?

It was so instinctual. It just… came out. Bizarre!

I got back in bed and voice memo’d the story to my two friends who I’d been complaining about God’s confusing-ness earlier to.

Then I opened up instagram again to see a reel from my mom. She loves to send me reels about God from her finsta account. And the reel was about a muslim Imam, explaining why he converted to Christianity. It was awesome, actually. You can watch it here.

I loved it so much that I sent it to a few friends before I even finished the video. But then at the end of the video, he started talking about how he loves that in Christianity, you can call God your Dad. He went on and on about being a child of God, and kept specifically using the word dad. He even talked about certain translations translating to dad.

WHAT. I was floored at first, but then my eyes welled up.

After all my temper tantrums today, God, Father, or dad or whatever, so quickly responded and said: Yes I know it seems confusing, but the important part is the relationship —that I am your dad, and you are my child, and you can focus, mainly, on that. Trust. Protection. Guidance. Surrender.

I do a lot of research on all this God/Jesus/Bible stuff, and some of it is great, and helps me a lot. And some of it gets me caught in the weeds. And the weeds can be fine, I guess, but I get caught in them, and then I forget the simple, boiled down important parts of what I believe, and why it’s so much better than how I used to relate to God.

I told my friend this next part of the story. And she said: wow, see!!! The family!

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Stories like these can feel so profound and clear while they’re happening — a real moment where it feels like… you hear me, and I hear you. And then a few days later you forget it ever happened at all.

I don’t know if this will feel as profound to you as it did to me, but just in case, I wanted to write it down.

Now, let’s all go say a prayer to daddy God and make everyone cringe. (Jk, I would never. Not even sure if I’m going to use “Dad” ongoing but, we will see.)

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Also a reminder that I’m running a Mere Christianity book club in the new year behind the paywall! Become a paid subscriber and join! Zoom calls will be either Monday or Tuesday evenings 8 pm EST, and occasional 2 pm EST zooms for EU people!

Paywall below is to paywall the audio